Monday, May 6, 2013
Putting things in perspective...
"You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than when he went into it; though for awhile he was shaken, yet at last he was better for an affliction".
I have been thinking a lot about this type of thing lately, because life has just seemed so hard. Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you're failing at everything? Those days when nothing seems to go right, and you just feel like giving up? I've been having a lot of those days lately.
But that's not the point of this post. The point is that no matter how discouraged I feel, I have something to hold onto. And, no matter how much I feel like I'm struggling, it is nothing compared to what Christ suffered for my sake.
The crazy thing is how easy it is to forget about his sacrifice. I so often catch myself living with such entitlement. It is so easy for my heart to fall into thinking that i deserve good. That i deserve to be happy, healthy and content. But that is not true! What I deserve is hell, because I have sinned against a holy and righteous God.
When my thoughts start going in a downward spiral, the only thing that helps is teaching myself again, and again and again that Christ is enough. The quote above is from a book called "Be Still My Soul", which has been invaluable to me. I can't recommend it enough!! It is a compilation of excerpts from different essays on pain and suffering, and the thing that has been so helpful is that every single one points me back to Christ's suffering. It is full of such clear, practical and helpful truth...a welcome breath of fresh air from my thoughts.
Here are a few more quotes that have been so helpful for me in breaking the cycle of my thoughts:
"Because Jesus is raised from the dead, it is the very meaning of history that life comes out of death - that out of devastation comes redemption". - Keller
"I have the comfort and confidence that the entire matter was under God's overarching decrees, and that nothing happens in my life outside of his loving plans for me...God cares most...about teaching me to hate my transgressions and to keep growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus". - Joni Eareckson Tada
" Believe that God is loving enough, and powerful enough, and wise enough, and gracious enough to do what he says when he promises to work everything for your good". - Benton
There is SO much more I could say about this, but suffice it to say that I have been greatly encouraged by this little book. There is nothing like a little perspective!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Weekends are for...
- Sleeping in! It is so nice to have a day where I can just lay in the bright sunshine and not have to get up right away. Since going off the meds at the end of December, it has been hard to find the motivation to start my day sometimes, so I am thankful for days of rest.
- Seeing old friends. I haven't really stayed in touch with people from college (the end of my time there wasn't...well, very fun. but that's another story). BUT - Christine randomly facebooked me, and so we hung out for a good part of the day. Yay for catching up 6 years later! Here is a funny plant we found at the Botanical Garden:
It's kind of sad that it was the first time I'd been there...but when you live somewhere, it's so easy not to take advantage of everything around you!
- Relaxing! I was exhausted (and cold!) after walking around, drinking starbucks (what saturday day is complete without coffee?!), going to the botanical garden, and eating at tortilla cafe (cheap and delicious!), so said goodbye to Christine, snuggled under my hand-made blanket (thanks Aunt Betty!) and proceeded to watch 3 hours of Fringe. If you've never heard of Fringe...well, it is WEIRD. I'm not really sure how I got into watching it, but it's just so good that I can't stop. If you are a fan of JJ Abrams (and how could you not be?) and you like a bit of suspense with some other-worldly science thrown in, you should maaaaybe give it a watch. or not. My roommates make fun of me, and I don't blame them. I mean, this is an actual sentence that I formed: 'someone traveled between universes because they injected her with metal the vibrates at a certain frequency'. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the stranger the show gets, the less surprised i get. Anyways, it's definitely weird, but oh so interesting!
- Trying new recipes! I just had quite possibly the best pancakes of have tasted in my whole entire life. Seriously, I don't think I will ever make any other type ever again. You have to try them!! In the past week, two of my friends told me I had to make oat pancakes, and I inhaled them! This one calls for bananas, and since they can replace eggs (and I can't eat them), I just left the egg out and added a little almond milk. I also put in some vanilla extract and chocolate chips (in my book, pancakes shouldn't be made unless there is some chocolate in them). I added some bacon, and threw a little soy yogurt on top. Then I left the kitchen a complete mess so I could run to church. mmmmm!
Well, i'm off to watch downton abbey! Enjoy the last hours of your weekend :)
- Seeing old friends. I haven't really stayed in touch with people from college (the end of my time there wasn't...well, very fun. but that's another story). BUT - Christine randomly facebooked me, and so we hung out for a good part of the day. Yay for catching up 6 years later! Here is a funny plant we found at the Botanical Garden:
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| It's called a fingernail plant... |
- Relaxing! I was exhausted (and cold!) after walking around, drinking starbucks (what
- Trying new recipes! I just had quite possibly the best pancakes of have tasted in my whole entire life. Seriously, I don't think I will ever make any other type ever again. You have to try them!! In the past week, two of my friends told me I had to make oat pancakes, and I inhaled them! This one calls for bananas, and since they can replace eggs (and I can't eat them), I just left the egg out and added a little almond milk. I also put in some vanilla extract and chocolate chips (in my book, pancakes shouldn't be made unless there is some chocolate in them). I added some bacon, and threw a little soy yogurt on top. Then I left the kitchen a complete mess so I could run to church. mmmmm!
Well, i'm off to watch downton abbey! Enjoy the last hours of your weekend :)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Health Recap
Happy February!
I don't know that anybody actually reads this thing anymore, but i just feel like writing :)
I recently realized how little reading I have done on Lyme Disease, and decided that perhaps I should spend a little more time researching. Now that i'm off all of the crazy prescriptions (since December 26th!), i've started looking into them. Better late than never, right?
One of the main reasons I am curious about the drugs is because I have been having very not fun withdrawal symptoms since I finished going off of them. At first, I thought I was just going crazy (sort of). I was sick for two weeks with the flu over christmas, and in the middle of it, I started feeling REALLY low. But, I couldn't sleep, had no energy, and hadn't been able to do a darn thing the entire time I was home...so I thought it kind of made sense. I mean, you would probably go crazy too if you spent 14 days laying on a couch during the day and laying in bed, awake, all night. Am I right?
I got to the point where I didn't want to look at another book or watch another show. I was miserable. After about a week of this, I thought slowly formed - "wait a minute...maybe there IS an explanation. didn't I just go off like 10 prescriptions?!' (literally). It took me about 3.2 seconds on google to discover that 4 of the drugs I had discontinued have anxiety, depression and insomnia as withdrawal symptoms. fantastic!
"shouldn't you have thought of this sooner?" you might ask. Well, yes. And no. You see, living with Lyme Disease has become so normal for me, swallowing handfuls became so routine, that a little slump in my emotions didn't really make me think twice. Some days are bad, and that's just that.
But, after several days of not wanting to get out of bed and having no motivation to do anything, I started thinking. Four of the prescriptions I was on were neurological drugs. One is used for bi-polar disorder (my drug happy EX-doctor threw it at me over a year ago to 'help me sleep'). Another one is anti-anxiety ('oh, your heart is racing? Have a drug that causes memory loss and addiction. Oh, and did I tell you that the withdrawal symptoms can be severe sleep disturbance, irritability, increased tension and anxiety, panic attacks, hand tremors, sweating, difficulty in concentration, confusion and cognitive difficulty, memory problems, dry retching and nausea, weight loss, palpitations, headache, muscular pain and stiffness, hallucinations, seizures, psychosis, and suicide? No? Oh that's right, I never warned you about ANYTHING, because we prescribe drugs like candy".
Ok, I might sound a little bitter. I'm really not, it just scares me that they prescribed medication so easily. At one point I was taking close to 30 pills twice a day. I was getting really bad headaches, so they gave me two more drugs. I was having heart palpitations, so that's another. And then there are the antibiotics (sometimes as many as 5 at once).
Sometimes I start beating myself up for not researching things more carefully...but then I remind myself that at some point, I had to trust them with my health - they are the doctors, after all! I had been to doctor after doctor after doctor...normal, alternative, chiropractor, acupuncturist, gastroenterologist, travel medicine..I even flew to NYC to see a Chinese Herbalist. He was...weird.
None of them diagnosed me with Lyme (it was my brilliant mother who figured that out!). I had just moved to DC, and was so excited to find out that there was actually a Lyme Specialist downtown...I was really hopeful. But, after 2 years of a ridiculous amount of drugs and not feeling better (I felt worse, actually, because of the side-effects), I decided to visit a homeopathic doctor in Atlanta.
Wow, this is turning out to be much longer than I anticipated! Long story short: I'm off the drugs, I'm going to natural doctor and I have some frustrating withdrawal symptoms that don't seem to want to go away.
BUT - through all of this, the Lord has been so faithful. I am thankful for the hard times he brings me through because they remind me that I cannot rely on myself. I am thankful for mornings of discouragement because they make his words so much sweeter. And, yes, I am even thankful for loneliness, because sometimes that's the only way he can get my attention.
I don't know that anybody actually reads this thing anymore, but i just feel like writing :)
I recently realized how little reading I have done on Lyme Disease, and decided that perhaps I should spend a little more time researching. Now that i'm off all of the crazy prescriptions (since December 26th!), i've started looking into them. Better late than never, right?
One of the main reasons I am curious about the drugs is because I have been having very not fun withdrawal symptoms since I finished going off of them. At first, I thought I was just going crazy (sort of). I was sick for two weeks with the flu over christmas, and in the middle of it, I started feeling REALLY low. But, I couldn't sleep, had no energy, and hadn't been able to do a darn thing the entire time I was home...so I thought it kind of made sense. I mean, you would probably go crazy too if you spent 14 days laying on a couch during the day and laying in bed, awake, all night. Am I right?
I got to the point where I didn't want to look at another book or watch another show. I was miserable. After about a week of this, I thought slowly formed - "wait a minute...maybe there IS an explanation. didn't I just go off like 10 prescriptions?!' (literally). It took me about 3.2 seconds on google to discover that 4 of the drugs I had discontinued have anxiety, depression and insomnia as withdrawal symptoms. fantastic!
"shouldn't you have thought of this sooner?" you might ask. Well, yes. And no. You see, living with Lyme Disease has become so normal for me, swallowing handfuls became so routine, that a little slump in my emotions didn't really make me think twice. Some days are bad, and that's just that.
But, after several days of not wanting to get out of bed and having no motivation to do anything, I started thinking. Four of the prescriptions I was on were neurological drugs. One is used for bi-polar disorder (my drug happy EX-doctor threw it at me over a year ago to 'help me sleep'). Another one is anti-anxiety ('oh, your heart is racing? Have a drug that causes memory loss and addiction. Oh, and did I tell you that the withdrawal symptoms can be severe sleep disturbance, irritability, increased tension and anxiety, panic attacks, hand tremors, sweating, difficulty in concentration, confusion and cognitive difficulty, memory problems, dry retching and nausea, weight loss, palpitations, headache, muscular pain and stiffness, hallucinations, seizures, psychosis, and suicide? No? Oh that's right, I never warned you about ANYTHING, because we prescribe drugs like candy".
Ok, I might sound a little bitter. I'm really not, it just scares me that they prescribed medication so easily. At one point I was taking close to 30 pills twice a day. I was getting really bad headaches, so they gave me two more drugs. I was having heart palpitations, so that's another. And then there are the antibiotics (sometimes as many as 5 at once).
Sometimes I start beating myself up for not researching things more carefully...but then I remind myself that at some point, I had to trust them with my health - they are the doctors, after all! I had been to doctor after doctor after doctor...normal, alternative, chiropractor, acupuncturist, gastroenterologist, travel medicine..I even flew to NYC to see a Chinese Herbalist. He was...weird.
None of them diagnosed me with Lyme (it was my brilliant mother who figured that out!). I had just moved to DC, and was so excited to find out that there was actually a Lyme Specialist downtown...I was really hopeful. But, after 2 years of a ridiculous amount of drugs and not feeling better (I felt worse, actually, because of the side-effects), I decided to visit a homeopathic doctor in Atlanta.
Wow, this is turning out to be much longer than I anticipated! Long story short: I'm off the drugs, I'm going to natural doctor and I have some frustrating withdrawal symptoms that don't seem to want to go away.
BUT - through all of this, the Lord has been so faithful. I am thankful for the hard times he brings me through because they remind me that I cannot rely on myself. I am thankful for mornings of discouragement because they make his words so much sweeter. And, yes, I am even thankful for loneliness, because sometimes that's the only way he can get my attention.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
January 10th
The christmas tree is out and i'm back in my cozy nook by the window :) Carolyn and her friends were here for dinner and they just left, and I am spending a little time with the Lord before I crawl into bed.
It was so so good to see my sis, even if it was only for the evening - I am so thankful for that girl! What a true, deep friend. I didn't ever want her to leave.
As I sat here reflecting, I thought of some things from today that made me smile...
- peanut soup. I know it sounds weird, but trust me. It has sweet potatoes, kale, garlic and peanut butter. how could you go wrong? If you still don't believe me, try making it here.
- my pharmacist. Because I went off all my medications recently, I hadn't seen her in over a month. When she saw me, she gave me a huge hug and yelled at me for not setting up my voicemail yet - she had called yesterday to catch up.
- I didn't buy Starbucks today! I was knocked off my feet by the flu for two weeks over break (apparently I had bird flu, swine flu and a strain of influenza...), and coffee just hasn't tasted good to me. So, i'm saving money! Another great side effect is I drank tea like it was my job...and now i like it even more!
More than anything, though, I am thankful for the steadfast love of my savior. I stumble and fall, I forget and I get distracted, I willfully obey. But he is infinite in mercy, perfect in love, and overflowing with grace. This world is not always an easy place, but when he is for me, who can be against me?
It was so so good to see my sis, even if it was only for the evening - I am so thankful for that girl! What a true, deep friend. I didn't ever want her to leave.
As I sat here reflecting, I thought of some things from today that made me smile...
- peanut soup. I know it sounds weird, but trust me. It has sweet potatoes, kale, garlic and peanut butter. how could you go wrong? If you still don't believe me, try making it here.
- my pharmacist. Because I went off all my medications recently, I hadn't seen her in over a month. When she saw me, she gave me a huge hug and yelled at me for not setting up my voicemail yet - she had called yesterday to catch up.
- I didn't buy Starbucks today! I was knocked off my feet by the flu for two weeks over break (apparently I had bird flu, swine flu and a strain of influenza...), and coffee just hasn't tasted good to me. So, i'm saving money! Another great side effect is I drank tea like it was my job...and now i like it even more!
More than anything, though, I am thankful for the steadfast love of my savior. I stumble and fall, I forget and I get distracted, I willfully obey. But he is infinite in mercy, perfect in love, and overflowing with grace. This world is not always an easy place, but when he is for me, who can be against me?
Monday, October 29, 2012
Well here we are on October 29th...and here I thought it had been 7 months since i blogged. June ain't so bad! haha jussst kidding.
I'm sitting at home with my 3 awesome roomies in the middle of Frankenstorm, so I figured I should just get over whatever it is that has stopped me from blogging, and just WRITE. Because, the fact is, there is a whole lot going on in my life! Annnd i just found out tomorrow is another 'snow' day. #4dayweekend #awesomesauce
Let's start with this morning. This is the third morning in a row I got to sleep in without a care in the world! I could get used to this.
Quality time with Jackie (newest roommate since Jenn got married in September) and Bekah around the breakfast table with coffee...we have a small (ahem!) problem.
One of the things I really love about having a free day is that I get to spend quality time in the word! I started a Bible reading plan, and it has been so encouraging. Spending more time reading the word and seeing more of God's character has just been so great.
Bekah built a fire and made stew, jackie made puppy chow and some gluten-free banana bread (!!), claire worked from home...and I read and watched a show in front of the fire. this is the life :)
I'm sitting at home with my 3 awesome roomies in the middle of Frankenstorm, so I figured I should just get over whatever it is that has stopped me from blogging, and just WRITE. Because, the fact is, there is a whole lot going on in my life! Annnd i just found out tomorrow is another 'snow' day. #4dayweekend #awesomesauce
Let's start with this morning. This is the third morning in a row I got to sleep in without a care in the world! I could get used to this.
Quality time with Jackie (newest roommate since Jenn got married in September) and Bekah around the breakfast table with coffee...we have a small (ahem!) problem.
 |
| woke up to this note...:) |
One of the things I really love about having a free day is that I get to spend quality time in the word! I started a Bible reading plan, and it has been so encouraging. Spending more time reading the word and seeing more of God's character has just been so great.
 |
| i think i'm permanently moving our couch here... |
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
June!
I absolutely cannot BELIEVE that my last post was in January!! That is awful. wow. I must be the world's worst blogger! You know how you want to do something, but you don't have the time, or don't have the energy? And how the longer you wait the more unattainable it gets? And how when you keep waiting, and waiting...and waiting, then you never do it? Well, I guess you could say I got a bad case of that. But I have good news, and I wanted to share it with you!!!!
Last week, I went to my Lyme doctor for my first appointment since March. Let me back up...in November, I had an appointment, and I was feeling pretty darn good. I felt almost as good on the antibiotics as I did off them, which is the goal. My doctor said that pretty soon I would be able to cut back on my antibiotics.
Over the next few months, I sunk back into my 'normal' life of not feeling well. I knew something wasn't right..and when I went in for my appointment in March, Kim said that one of the co-infections had come back. (by the way, sorry if this post is boring..just trying to update you on the facts :)
I wasn't really surprised...but it was still pretty stupid if you ask me. I said, "I don't have to take the Mepron, do I??". Yep, you guessed it. I had to go back on the atomic yellow, anti-malarial, nausea-inducing, want-to-throw-up-when-i-think-about-it #%*$ that I had been on a whole YEAR ago. A year! That is when I really got discouraged. Last time when I had finished this same round of treatment, I hurled the leftover medicine into the garbage and shouted "I NEVER HAVE TO TAKE YOU AGAIN!!!". :/
Ok, now for the good news. I'm on my last week of the poison!! Last Thursday I found out that in two weeks my antibiotics are going to be dramatically decreased!!! Would you believe me if I told you I've been on harsh antibiotics for 18 months? Only the Lord's strength and mercy has sustained me for this long. I have always believed that I could heal me if that was his will, but I just wasn't sure that it was...the road has just been so long. Now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just cant believe it. I can't even believe it. It's still sinking in, and I'm not putting all of my hope in it, but I am thankful for the ray of sunshine that is finally peeking through.
Last week, I went to my Lyme doctor for my first appointment since March. Let me back up...in November, I had an appointment, and I was feeling pretty darn good. I felt almost as good on the antibiotics as I did off them, which is the goal. My doctor said that pretty soon I would be able to cut back on my antibiotics.
Over the next few months, I sunk back into my 'normal' life of not feeling well. I knew something wasn't right..and when I went in for my appointment in March, Kim said that one of the co-infections had come back. (by the way, sorry if this post is boring..just trying to update you on the facts :)
I wasn't really surprised...but it was still pretty stupid if you ask me. I said, "I don't have to take the Mepron, do I??". Yep, you guessed it. I had to go back on the atomic yellow, anti-malarial, nausea-inducing, want-to-throw-up-when-i-think-about-it #%*$ that I had been on a whole YEAR ago. A year! That is when I really got discouraged. Last time when I had finished this same round of treatment, I hurled the leftover medicine into the garbage and shouted "I NEVER HAVE TO TAKE YOU AGAIN!!!". :/
Ok, now for the good news. I'm on my last week of the poison!! Last Thursday I found out that in two weeks my antibiotics are going to be dramatically decreased!!! Would you believe me if I told you I've been on harsh antibiotics for 18 months? Only the Lord's strength and mercy has sustained me for this long. I have always believed that I could heal me if that was his will, but I just wasn't sure that it was...the road has just been so long. Now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just cant believe it. I can't even believe it. It's still sinking in, and I'm not putting all of my hope in it, but I am thankful for the ray of sunshine that is finally peeking through.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Favorites :)
Pictures, as promised!
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| such cuties :) |
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| Benjamin always claims he will win, but C always takes him. haha |
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| <3 my dad :) |
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| not too shabby, eh? Just missing Emily :( |
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| It took me SIX times to get them to make a face! I knew they had it in them. |
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| Love him :) |
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| love. |
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| I can't decide if this needs an explanation or not...would it make it any better if I told you my Dad was santa? |
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| Thankful beyond words. Love her. |
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